Alan Bennett Quotes

We have fish and chips, which W. and I fetch from the shop in Settle market-place. Some local boys come in and there is a bit of chat between them and the fish-fryer about whether the kestrel under the counter is for sale.Only when I mention it to W. does he explain Kestrel is now a lager. I imagine the future is going to contain an increasing number of incidents like this, culminating with a man in a white coat saying to one kindly, "And now can you tell me the name of the Prime Minister?"

Alan Bennett

To play Trivial Pursuit with a life like mine could be said to be a form of homeopathy.

Alan Bennett

The majority of people perform well in a crisis and when the spotlight is on them; it's on the Sunday afternoons of this life, when nobody is looking, that the spirit falters.

Alan Bennett

An article on playwrights in the Daily Mail, listed according to Hard Left, Soft Left, Hard Right, Soft Right and Centre. I am not listed. I should probably come under Soft Centre.

Alan Bennett

He had never read Proust, but he had somehow taken a short cut across the allotments and arrived at the same conclusions.

Alan Bennett

I tried to explain to her the significance of the great poet, but without much success, The Waste Land not figuring very largely in Mam's scheme of things. "The thing is," I said finally, "he won the Nobel Prize." "Well," she said, with that unerring grasp of inessentials which is the prerogative of mothers, "Im not surprised. It was a beautiful overcoat."

Alan Bennett

Sapper, Buchan, Dornford Yates, practitioners in that school of Snobbery with Violence that runs like a thread of good-class tweed through twentieth-century literature.

Alan Bennett

Have you ever thought, Headmaster, that your standards might perhaps be a little out of date? Of course they're out of date. Standards always are out of date. That is what makes them standards.

Alan Bennett

They were all socialists. Why is it always the intelligent people who are socialists?

Alan Bennett

I have never understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.

Alan Bennett

You are charged with loitering to commit a felony. Now then Mr Golightly... Call me Fingers.

Alan Bennett

I lack what the English call character, by which they mean the power to refrain.

Alan Bennett

Education with socialists, it's like sex, all right as long as you don't have to pay for it.

Alan Bennett

We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.

Alan Bennett

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