Ambrose Bierce Quotes

The gambling known as business looks with severe disfavor on the business known as gambling.

Ambrose Bierce

Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo

Ambrose Bierce

Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing

Ambrose Bierce

Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.

Ambrose Bierce

Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Ambrose Bierce

OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.

Ambrose Bierce

Romance is the fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of things as they are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination

Ambrose Bierce

Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

Ambrose Bierce

Conservative: a statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as istinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

Ambrose Bierce

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

Ambrose Bierce

Lawyer, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

Ambrose Bierce

Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

Ambrose Bierce

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Ambrose Bierce

Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.

Ambrose Bierce

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills

Ambrose Bierce

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

Ambrose Bierce
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