Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Ambrose Bierce

QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the United States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House; in the House of Representatives, of the Speaker and the devil.

Ambrose Bierce

Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

Ambrose Bierce

Tenacity is a certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.

Ambrose Bierce

ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

Ambrose Bierce

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.

Ambrose Bierce

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Ambrose Bierce

Ocean: A body of water occupying two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills

Ambrose Bierce

Barometer : An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having

Ambrose Bierce

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having

Ambrose Bierce

OPTIMISM, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof --an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

Ambrose Bierce

Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of its economical application to some purposes is still unsettled, but experiment has already proved that it will propel a street car better than a gas

Ambrose Bierce

Capital Punishment, a penalty regarding the justice and expediency of which many worthy persons - including all the assassins - entertain grave misgivings

Ambrose Bierce

OLYMPIAN, adj. Relating to a mountain in Thessaly, once inhabited by gods, now a repository of yellowing newspapers, beer bottles and mutilated sardine cans, attesting the presence of the tourist and his appetite.

Ambrose Bierce

HOURI, n. A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul. By that good lady the Houris are said to be held in deficient esteem.

Ambrose Bierce

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

Ambrose Bierce
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