~ We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space. ~  ~ The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. ~ ~ I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. ~ ~ I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. ~ ~ You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. ~ ~ I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. ~ ~ People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~ ~ Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign language ~ ~ American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. ~ ~ If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would:nuclear war, global warming and Windows. ~ ~ The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. ~ ~ Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one. ~ ~ If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base ~ ~ The primary function of the government is to spew out paper ~ ~ For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball ~ Most Popular Topics:
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 | Dave Barry Quotes |
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