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Dave Barry Quotes
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Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.



Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.



You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment



Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear



User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."



You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.



Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.



In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.



If wishes were horses, there would be an easy explanation for all this horseshit



The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.



Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, "You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers."



I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.



The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.



Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.



Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.








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