Dave Barry Quotes

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

Dave Barry

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear

Dave Barry

User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."

Dave Barry

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Dave Barry

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Dave Barry

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Dave Barry

Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.

Dave Barry

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.

Dave Barry

If wishes were horses, there would be an easy explanation for all this horseshit

Dave Barry

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

Dave Barry

Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, "You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers."

Dave Barry

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

Dave Barry

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

Dave Barry

Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.

Dave Barry

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

Dave Barry

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