Dave Barry Quotes

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

Dave Barry

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Dave Barry

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.

Dave Barry

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing

Dave Barry

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

Dave Barry

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment

Dave Barry

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

Dave Barry

While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our config.sys settings.

Dave Barry

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Dave Barry

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

Dave Barry

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

Dave Barry

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

Dave Barry

Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud

Dave Barry

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

Dave Barry

We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space.

Dave Barry

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Dave Barry

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