I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space.
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
In sports, the U.S. Open is not actually held because it's more efficient just to mail the check to Tiger Woods.
What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be "colonial".
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
The best way to learn Japanese is to be born as a Japanese baby, in Japan, raised by a Japanese family.
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