Erma BomBeck Quotes

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

Erma Bombeck

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Erma Bombeck

A grandmother pretends she doesnít know who you are on Halloween.

Erma Bombeck

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Erma Bombeck

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.

Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Erma Bombeck

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Erma Bombeck

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

I have been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I have lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Erma Bombeck

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Erma Bombeck

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

Erma Bombeck

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Erma BomBeck

Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.

Erma Bombeck

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

Erma Bombeck
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