Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
A grandmother pretends she doesnít know who you are on Halloween.
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Never order food in excess of your body weight.
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
I have been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I have lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.