George Carlin Quotes

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George Carlin

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist

George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

George Carlin

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...

George Carlin

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

George Carlin

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

George Carlin

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt

George Carlin

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

George Carlin

Religion is just mind control

George Carlin

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth

George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

George Carlin

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

George Carlin

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

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