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George Carlin Quotes
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.



I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.



Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.



Electricity is really just organized lightning.



When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal weaponry, as this country does; and racial hatred, which is part of our heritage as white Europeans; and then you add the volatile ingredient of "nothing".



Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.



Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.



I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.



Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist



Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...



There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.



And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.



Atheism is a non-prophet organization



There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting



Electricity is really just organized lightning.








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