George Carlin Quotes

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

George Carlin

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

George Carlin

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

George Carlin

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

George Carlin

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

George Carlin

When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal weaponry, as this country does; and racial hatred, which is part of our heritage as white Europeans; and then you add the volatile ingredient of "nothing".

George Carlin

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

George Carlin

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

George Carlin

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

George Carlin

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.

George Carlin

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

George Carlin

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror

George Carlin

And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.

George Carlin

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