George Denis Patrick Carlin Quotes

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're tired.

George Denis Patrick Carlin

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me.

George Denis Patrick Carlin

Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?

George Denis Patrick Carlin

People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.

George Denis Patrick Carlin

You ever notice that? Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kind of hats. Keep an eye on that, it might be important.

George Denis Patrick Carlin

You ever notice the first thing someone says when they can't find something is that it was stolen? They say "who stole it?!". It's an ego defense. They can't stand the fact that they might have been stupid enough to have lost something.

George Denis Patrick Carlin

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

George Denis Patrick Carlin

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

George Denis Patrick Carlin

"One thing leads to another"? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

George Denis Patrick Carlin

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