A gentlemen is one who never strikes a woman without provocation.
On one issue at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
The average man gets his living by such depressing devices that boredom becomes a sort of natural state to him.
The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
Writing books is certainly a most unpleasant occupation. It is lonesome, unsanitary, and maddening. Many authors go crazy.
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a moveable body.
Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.
On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
The theatre, when all is said and done, is not life in miniature, but life enormously magnified, life hideously exaggerated.
A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
I used to build up to sensation, accumulating tension until it released a perceptual experience.