If your caddie coaches you on the tee, 'Hit it down the left side with a little draw,' ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to hit the caddie.
Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.
Sandy's fastball was so fast, some batters would start to swing as he was on his way to the mound
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that.
Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher.
Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.
Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine.
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss
Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream
Soccer is a game in which everyone does a lot of running around. Twenty-one guys stand around and one guy does a tap dance with the ball.