I've had thousands of problems in my life, most of which never actually happened.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards
And so I am become a knight of the Kingdom of Dreams and Shadows
It is easier to stay out than get out.
Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its only sure defense.
Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity\'s mind and were willing to reveal it.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.