Maria Bamford Quotes

Time flies when you are anxious!

Maria Bamford

I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.

Maria Bamford

I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of shit that I don't need, and I refuse to share with others.

Maria Bamford

My old lip color could barely keep up with my busy schedule. In the time it takes to notice the wide discrepancy between my salary and that of my male peers, I'd have to reapply! In the seconds to count the number of women in high political office, seated on corporate executive boards and featured in film and television over the age of 40, my lip color would be as invisible as this glass ceiling only inches above my head! L'Oreal. Because I am worth it. And because holding myself to an impossible standard of beauty keeps me from starting a riot!

Maria Bamford

Now, Maria, if a boy doesn't like you, I would just like you to know that he is intimidated by your beauty, because you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world and if you would stop doing impersonations of me I think other people would see that...

Maria Bamford

She said I was afraid of success, which may in fact be true, because I have a feeling that fufilling my potential would really cut into my sittin' around time.

Maria Bamford

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