Mark Twain Quotes

There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought --a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!

Mark Twain

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Mark Twain

God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins.

Mark Twain

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Mark Twain

All say, "How hard it is that we have to die" - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.

Mark Twain

For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment

Mark Twain

Independence - is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes

Mark Twain

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Mark Twain

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

Mark Twain

A sin takes on a new and real terror when there seems a chance that it is going to be found out

Mark Twain

There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence

Mark Twain

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Mark Twain

The trade of critic, in literature, music, and the drama, is the most degraded of all tradesÓ

Mark Twain

Evolution is the law of policies: Darwin said it, Socrates endorsed it, Cuvier proved it and established it for all time in his paper on ''The Survival of the Fittest.'' These are illustrious names, this is a mighty doctrine: nothing can ever remove it from its firm base, nothing dissolve it, but evolution.

Mark Twain

In literature imitations do not imitate

Mark Twain

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial

Mark Twain
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