Laughter is an instant vacation.
You can't believe everything you hear, but it's fun to repeat it anyway.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.