Hope your Birthday gently breezes into your life all the choicest of things and all that your heart holds dear Have A Fun- Filled Day.
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's gonna be up all night.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?