Steven Wright Quotes

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Steven Wright

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Steven Wright

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Steven Wright

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Steven Wright

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Steven Wright

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing

Steven Wright

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

Steven Wright

I made wine out of raisins so I would not have to wait for it to age.

Steven Wright

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Steven Wright
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