W. C. Fields Quotes

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

W. C. Fields

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

W. C. Fields

Horse sense is a good judgement which keeps horses from betting on people.

W. C. Fields

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live

W. C. Fields

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home

W. C. Fields

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

W. C. Fields

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

W. C. Fields

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

W. C. Fields

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink; that is the one thing I am indebted to her for.

W. C. Fields

How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?

W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

W. C. Fields

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink, and I'll be a son-of-a-gun but I never even wrote to thank her.

W. C. Fields

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