Quotes by W. C. Fields :: Finest Quotes

W. C. Fields Quotes

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Horse sense is a good judgement which keeps horses from betting on people.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink; that is the one thing I am indebted to her for.

How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

A woman drove me to drink, and I'll be a son-of-a-gun but I never even wrote to thank her.

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