You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war, they kill you in a new way.
I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
A comedian can only last 'til he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious.
Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
I represent what is left of a vanishing race, and that is the pedestrian.... That I am still able to be here, I owe to a keen eye and a nimble pair of legs. But I know they'll get me someday.
Another way to solve the traffic problems of this country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars be allowed to use the highways.
There is nothing so stupid as an educated man, if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.
You politicians have got to look further ahead; you always got a Putter in your hands, when you ought to have a Driver.
About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.
The nation is prosperpus on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?
Nowadays it is about as big a crime to be dumb as it is to be dishonest.
Politics ain't worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space
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