~ Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. ~
~ All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance. ~
~ The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them. ~
~ Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes ~
~ I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. ~
~ Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for ~
~ There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you ~
~ Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln ~
~ The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has ~
~ I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. ~
~ I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf will. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you can get so sore at yourself that you forget to hate you enemies. ~
~ Politics ain't worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space ~
~ You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people. ~
~ A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles. ~
~ Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week. ~
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