Woody Allen Quotes

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.

Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Woody Allen

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

Woody Allen

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

Woody Allen

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

Woody Allen

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.

Woody Allen

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.

Woody Allen

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing "Embraceable You" in spats.

Woody Allen

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Woody Allen

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Woody Allen

Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, \\\"Be fruitful and multiply.\\\" But not in those words.

Woody Allen

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Woody Allen

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Woody Allen

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