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Woody Allen Quotes
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If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he wouldn't be able to stop throwing up.



There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.



I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.



The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.



Eternity is really long, especially near the end



Tradition is the illusion of permanence.



To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.



When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.



The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.



Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing "Embraceable You" in spats.



Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.



Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.



There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.



When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.



Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, \\\"Be fruitful and multiply.\\\" But not in those words.








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