Woody Allen Quotes

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness I hope you\'re getting this down

Woody Allen

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

Woody Allen

Regarding love... what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.

Woody Allen

Hey, I may hate myself, but not because I'm Jewish.

Woody Allen

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

Woody Allen

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he wouldn't be able to stop throwing up.

Woody Allen

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Woody Allen

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Woody Allen

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

Woody Allen

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

Woody Allen

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

Woody Allen

The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.

Woody Allen

After all, there are worse things in life than death. If you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know what I'm talking about.

Woody Allen

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