Woody Allen Quotes

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Woody Allen

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers

Woody Allen

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

Woody Allen

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Woody Allen

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty

Woody Allen

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty

Woody Allen

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.

Woody Allen

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Woody Allen

Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.

Woody Allen

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness I hope you\'re getting this down

Woody Allen

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

Woody Allen

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Woody Allen

Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me?

Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Woody Allen
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