When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness I hope you\'re getting this down
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he wouldn't be able to stop throwing up.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.