Woody Allen Quotes

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

Woody Allen

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he wouldn't be able to stop throwing up.

Woody Allen

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Woody Allen

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Woody Allen

Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me?

Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Woody Allen

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

Woody Allen

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

Woody Allen

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

Woody Allen

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen

The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.

Woody Allen

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