Woody Allen Quotes

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness I hope you're getting this down.

Woody Allen

Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

Woody Allen

Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it.

Woody Allen

It is impossible to experience one's own death objectively and still carry a tune.

Woody Allen

Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.

Woody Allen

I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Woody Allen

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.

Woody Allen

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Woody Allen

Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, "Be fruitful and multiply." But not in those words.

Woody Allen

To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.

Woody Allen

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.

Woody Allen

Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.

Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Woody Allen

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.

Woody Allen

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!

Woody Allen

I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb.

Woody Allen
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