Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends.
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I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time!
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All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense.
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Faith makes all things possible.... love makes all things easy.
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A good book on your shelf is a friend that turns its back on you and remains a friend.
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A dirty book is rarely dusty.
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Don't be so superstitious.
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Don't worry, it's not contagious.
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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
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Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Every time you hear a bell ring, it means that some angel's just got his wings.
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Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it
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Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet
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Journalism is the first rough draft of history.
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A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see - and hits it.