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To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly



If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns



A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible.



Born to golf. Forced to work.



My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.



May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters.



If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.



The members who command the best service at your golf club either have the lowest handicaps or the highest bar bills



A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible



An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse



Golf is Life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life



Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh



Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments



An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging



Golf is an easy game...It's just hard to play







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