Tess: You won't share that information with him about me. You wouldn't hurt a fly. And you would never hurt me. I'm your sister.
Jane: That was yesterday. Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress.
Jane's Aunt: It must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!
Jane: [after passing out] Are you a doctor?
Kevin: No, but Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Drunk were bugging me.
Jane: God, Casey, can't you keep it in your pants for one wedding?
Casey: Are you kidding? The only reason to wear this monstrous dress is so that some druken groomsman can rip it to shreds with his teeth.
Jane: You got them champage glasses and a bottle of cristal.
George: Any way she's gonna believe it actually came from me?
Jane: Maybe. I wrapped it like a car ran over it.
George: Nice touch.
Jane: You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me?
Kevin: I didn't follow that at all, but I think the second one, the spinning crap one.
Kevin: Do you have any needs?
Jane: No, I'm Jesus.