Quotes from the Movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to theÖ nearest decimal point. We'veÖ traveled back in time to save an ancient species fromÖ total annihilation. SO FARÖ noÖ signs of aquatic life anywhere, but I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I'veÖ GOT TO, MISTER!

Ace Ventura

This is double-paned sound-proof glass. There is no way that neighbor could've heard Roger Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut. The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes! Yes! Oh, yeah! Can ya feel that, buddy?! Huh?! Huh?! Huh?! I have exorcised the demons. This house is clear. LOSERS! Leh-hoo. Zeh-hers!

Ace Ventura

Good evening Captain Stubing. How are Gopher and Doc? Permission to come aboard sir?

Ace Ventura

If I'm not back in five minutes...just wait longer.

Ace Ventura

Do NOT go in there! WOOOO!

Ace Ventura

I'm in Psychoville, and Finkle's the mayor.

Ace Ventura

WhewÖ now I feel better. 'Course, that might not do any good; you see nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken. The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout, pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin, while the bottlenose dolphin, or Tursiops truncatus, has an elongated beak, round cone shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage. But I'm sure you already knew that. That's what turns me on about 'cha, your attention to detail.

Ace Ventura

Einhorn is Finkle. Finkle is Einhorn. Einhorn is a man! Oh, my god! Einhorn is a man?!

Ace Ventura

If the lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be, then she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have ever seen! That's why Roger Podacter was murdered! He found Captain Winky!

Ace Ventura

That's not Snowflake!

Ace Ventura

I just can't do it Captain! I don't have the POWER!

Ace Ventura

I'm ready to go in, Coach, just give me a chance. I know there's a lot riding on it, but it's all psychological. Just gotta stay in a positive frame of mind. I'm going to execute a button-hook pattern, Super SlowMo.

Ace Ventura

Three fifty-one! Three fifty-one! Rover, SIT! HUT! HUT!

Ace Ventura

I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank. It belonged to a 1984 AFC Championship ring. It would have been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray Finkle missed the big kick. Blames the whole thing on Marino. We're talking mental institute escapee. I saw the guy's room. Cozy if you're Hannibal Lecter!

Ace Ventura

You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.

Melissa

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