Quotes from the Movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

[to Lt. Einhorn] Whew... now I feel better. 'Course, that might not do any good you see nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken. The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout, pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin. While the bottlenose dolphin, or Tursiops truncates, has an elongated beak, round cone shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage. But I'm sure you already knew that. That's what turns me on about 'cha, your attention to detail.

Ace Ventura

I don't give a good goddamn about that fish. Fillet it and fast food it if'ya want'to. All I give a damn about's, winning the Super Bowl. My athletes have got to have their heads in the right place. Shit, Roger, you been in this business a long time. You know how superstitious these guys are.

Riddle

I'm ready to go in, coach, just give me a chance. I know there's a lot of riding on it, but it's all psychological. Just gotta stay in a positive frame of mind.

Ace Ventura

That was a close one ladies and gentleman. Unfortunately in every contest, there must be a loser. Loo-hoo-ser-her.

Ace Ventura

Most likely sir. I bet it was something nice, though. Now, this is an insurance form. If you'll just sign here, here and here and print your name here and initial here, we'll get the rest of the forms out to you as soon as we can.

Ace Ventura

Mr. Shickadance, I told you; you're my first priority. I'm on a very big case right now. Check this out. [shows him a flyer] That's a true Albino pigeon. Some rich guy lost it. He's offering a $25,000 reward. As soon as I find this bird, you're paid.

Ace Ventura

Just don't let me catch you with an animal here, that's all.

Mr. Shickadance

This is double-paned sound-proof glass! There is no way that neighbor could've heard Roger Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut! The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes! Yes! Oh, yeah! Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh!? Huh!? Huh!?

Ace Ventura

Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 9-1-1? Alrighty then.

Ace Ventura

Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you Mr. Camp, and congratulations on all your success. You smell terrific. I was just telling Melissa that one of the first things we learned back at Stanford Law was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy private homeowners. In fact, if one were so inclined, one could make quite a lucrative law practice with little else. How is everyone feeling tonight?

Ace Ventura

Soccer style kicker, graduated from Collier High June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds 2 NCAA Division One records, one for most points in a season, one for distance, former nickname "The Mule", the first and only pro-athlete to come out of Collier County, and one hell of a model American.

Ace Ventura

It was all that Dan Marino's fault, everyone knows that. If he had held the ball, laces out, like he was supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. Would you like a cookie, son?

Mrs. Finkle

Ladies and gentlemen... my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken... if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be... then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids...I HAVE EVER SEEN!

Ace Ventura

That's why Roger Podacter is dead! He found Captain Winkie!

Ace Ventura

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