Quotes from the Movie Airplane II: The Sequel

Which passenger is Joe Solucci? He's carrying a bomb.

Ted Striker

I don't mean to sound forward. I mean, I know I hardly know you. But I don't think we're gonna live through this. And... I've never been with a man before.

Girl on Plane

Those lights are blinking out of sequence.

Soldier

Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn't handle it.

Witness

Doctor, can you give the Court your impression of Mr. Striker?

Prosecutor

I'm sorry. I don't do impressions. My training is in psychiatry.

Dr. Stone

Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.

Steve McCroskey

Well, let's see. First the Earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. [McCroskey walks off] And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it- [Jacobs turns and starts to walk away, continuing to speak, trailing off as he gets further from the camera] he took her best summer dress and he put it on and went to town...

Jacobs

Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?

Steve McCroskey

Well, I'm two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with.

Jacobs

Ted, I have the strangest feeling we've been through this exact same thing before.

Elaine Dickinson

Gentlemen, I don't find it easy to talk at a time like this, but I got to say something about that guy up there, and I can sum it all up in just one word: courage...dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, *guts*. Why, Ted Striker's got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon.

Steve McCroskey

It's an interrogative statement designed to test knowledge, but that's not important right now.

Boy

Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.

Buck Murdock

Oh, cut the bleeding heart crap will ya? We've all got our switches, lights, and knobs to deal with, Striker. I mean, down here there are literally hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights, blinking, beeping and flashing - they're flashing and they're beeping. I can't stand it anymore! They're blinking and beeping and flashing! Why doesn't somebody pull the plug?

Buck Murdock

And how about the time we hopped in the family car and drove all the way to Woodstock?

Mr. Hammen

Oh, that was a time. You got hold of that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks. You keep telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly!

Mrs Hammen

We're not in the past or the present anymore, Elaine. This... is the FUTURE.

Ted Striker

Don't worry about the Viatex account, we have a buy and sell option; we can't get hurt in either case.

Businessman #1

Just keep in touch with their legal people, Bob.

Businessman #2

Yes, his name is Scraps, and he's going to the moon with us.

Jimmy Wilson

Our Top Story Tonight: Four Alarm Fire Rages Through Downtown Buffalo. Also in the news, Lunar Shuttle heads for the Sun, and certain disaster.

Buffalo Anchorman

Our Top Story Tonight: Four Alarm Fire Rages Through Downtown Tokyo. Also in the news, American Lunar Shuttle Locked In Death Struggle.

Tokyo Anchorman

A Four-alarm fire in Downtown Moscow clears way for a glorious new tractor factory. And on the lighter side of the news, Hundreds of Capitalists are soon to perish in Shuttle disaster.

Moscow Anchorman

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