Quotes from the Movie Airplane

What a pisser.

Striker

I've got to concentrate! I've got to concentrate!

Striker

I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it, Kramer?

Striker

The oil pressure, I forgot to check the oil pressure. When Kramer hears about this, the shit's gonna hit the fan.

Striker

Mostly, I remember the nights when we were together. I remember how you used to hold me and... how I used to sit on your face and wiggle andó

Elaine

Ladies and gentleman, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encountered. There's no reason to be alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Elaine

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

McCroskey

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

McCroskey

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

McCroskey

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

McCroskey

They're coming right at us!

McCroskey

The last thing he said to me, "Doc," he said, "Sometime when the crew is up against it, the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc," he said, "but I won't smell too good, that's for sure."

Rumack

I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.

Rumack

Loneliness, that's the bottom line. I was never happy as a child... Christmas, Ted, what does that mean to you? It was living hell. Do you know what it's like falling in the mud and getting kicked, in the head? With an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does, that never happens. Sorry, Ted, skip that, it's a dumb question.

Kramer

All right, Striker, you listen, and listen close. Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle; it's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

Kramer

Airport management, the FAA and the airlines. They're all cheats and liars. All right, lets get outta here.

Kramer

Off to the tower? Rapunzel! Rapunzel!

Johnny

Mayday? Why that's the Russian New Year. You know, we'll have a big parade, we'll serve hot hor'doevres...

Johnny

MCrosky : Johnny, what can you make outta this? (hands him a piece of paper) Johnny : This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl. . .

Johnny

Reporter : What kind of plane is it? Johnny : Oh its a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the window and wheels. It looks like a big tylenol.

Johnny

MCrosky : Bad news, the fog is getting thicker. Johnny : And Leon's getting laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrger.

Johnny

Towergy : (holding up a newspaper) Captain, look at this! MCrosky : Passengers certain to die! Kramer : Airline negligent. Johnny : There's a sale at Penny's!

Johnny

MCrosky : Alright, I'll need 3 men up in the tower. You Newbower, you Maceias. . . Johnny : Me John! Big tree.

Johnny

All right, give me Hamm on five, hold the Mayo!

Capt. Oveur

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