Quotes from the Movie All That Jazz

It's showtime, folks!

Joe Gideon

Sometimes, I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins.

Joe Gideon

If I die, I'm sorry for all the things I did to you. And if I live, I'm sorry for all the things I'm gonna do to you.

Joe Gideon

Do you supposed Stanley Kubrick ever gets depressed.

Joe Gideon

Stop smiling! Lay back! Lay back! Hold it, hold it, hold it. Candy, Casey, very good. You're gonna do it again, Victoria. Gary, Danny, let's go. Stop smiling, it's not the high school play. Count! Hold it. [to Victoria] Stand on your right foot. Point your left toe. Drop the shoulder. Now, that's not too hard, is it? Again!

Joe Gideon

The pain is gone. I'm OK. Nothing wrong with me, a rewite of the show wouldn't cure. A couple of good jokes is what I need.

Joe Gideon

Hey, at least I won't have to lie to you anymore.

Joe Gideon

Ladies and gentleman, let me lay on you a so-so entertainer, not much of a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobody's friend. In his final appearance on the great stage of life - uh, you can applause if you want to - Mr. Joe Gideon!

O Connor Flood

Give it to me! Bye bye life, Bye bye happiness, hello loneliness, I think he's gonna die. Bye bye life, Bye bye happiness, Hello emptiness, I think he's gonna die. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Goodbye your life, goodbye.

O Connor Flood

You see, Sammy, in California everybody needs a car. I got a friend who bought a Mercedes just to get to the bathroom.

Audrey Paris

This chick, man, without the benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of death into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. "Good morning, Angerdenialbargainingdepressionacceptance!"

Davis Newman

There's all this bullshit with dignity. You know what death with dignity is, man? You don't drool.

Davis Newman