[To Jane] Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely, and you didn't screw up once!
You cannot count on anyone except yourself.
You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we... lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house!
I will sell this house today, I will sell this house today...
[To Lester] Honey, don't be weird!
I see you're smoking pot now! I'm so glad. I think using illegal psychotropic substances is a very positive example to set for our daughter.
There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my life.
I refuse to be a victim!
I need a father who's a role model, not some geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts every time
I bring a girlfriend home from school.
I know you think my dad's harmless, but you're wrong.
Welcome to America's weirdest home videos.
I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting.
I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious.
It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.
My dad thinks I paid for all this with catering jobs. Never underestimate the power of denial.
[To Angela on Jane] She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel good about yourself.
[To Jane on Ricky] I don't believe him. I mean, he didn't even like, look at me once!
It's that psycho next door. Jane, what if he worships you? What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff?
You total slut, you have a crush on him. You're defending him, you love him, you wanna have, like, ten thousand of his babies.
I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.