This page contains quotes from the movie American Pie. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie American Pie
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She called me and asked for my number.
Steve Stifler


Vicky. Jessica. [walking away] Bitches!
Steve Stifler


Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake, haha.
Steve Stifler


I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.
Jim


I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.
Jim


You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.
Jim


She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!
Jim


have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.
Jims Dad


Well, they're safer than a tube sock...
Jims Dad


We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.
Jims Dad


to Jim] Now, do you know what a clitoris is?
Jims Dad


God bless the Internet.
Finch


I am The Sherminator. I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for one lucky lady.
Chuck Sherman


I don't want any of you boys thinking that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you score!
Coach Marshall


Go trig boy, it's your birthday.
Garage Band Member


I believe "shaved" is the expression.
Nadia