This page contains quotes from the movie American Splendor. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie American Splendor
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I ain't no super hero, lady. I'm just a kid from the neighborhood, all right?
send an e card Young Harvey


Avoid the reeking herd! Shun the polluted flock! Live like that stoic bird, the eagle of the rock!" You know what that means, son?
send an e card Mr. Boats


Yeah. It's from an Elinor Hoyt Wylie poem. It means stay away from the crowds of common ordinary people and do your own thing.
send an e card Harvey


Nope, it means don't compromise yourself for women. Ain't gonna do you no good. Get away from them as soon as you can!
send an e card Mr. Boats


Well, I ain't got no woman now. So I'm living like the stoic bird, man.
send an e card Harvey


The only way to live, son.
send an e card Mr. Boats


I've had enough bad experiences and growth to last me plenty...Right now, I'd be glad to trade some growth for happiness.
send an e card Harvey


You turned yourself into a comic hero?
send an e card Crumb


I recommend the piŅa coladas. They are excellent and very authentic tasting.
send an e card Toby


You know, you should try believing in something bigger than yourself. It might cheer you up.
send an e card Toby


So how smart is she?
send an e card Mattress Guy 1


I don't know. I guess she's about average.
send an e card Mattress Guy 2


Average? Hey, man. Average is dumb!
send an e card Mattress Guy 1


Why does everything in my life have to be such a complicated disaster?!
send an e card Joyce


Man, she's got good looking handwriting.
send an e card Harvey


Hi, Harvey. We finally meet in person.
send an e card Joyce


Hiya. Look, before we get started with any of this, you might as well know right off the bat. I had a vasectomy.
send an e card Harvey


I guess I have a lot of borderline health disorders that limit me politically when it comes to eating.
send an e card Joyce


Harvey, go get me water and a few aspirin.
send an e card Joyce


What, you got a headache?
send an e card Harvey


No, but I want to avoid one.
send an e card Joyce


Harvey, we better skip this whole courtship thing and just get married.
send an e card Joyce


Yes, I consider myself a nerd. And this movie has uplifted me.
send an e card Toby


Look Toby, the guys in that movie are not 28 year-old file clerks who live with their grandmothers in an ethnic ghetto...They didn't get their computers like you did, by trading in a bunch of box tops and $49.50 at the supermarket...Sure, go to the movies and daydream, but "Revenge of the Nerds" ain't reality. It's just Hollywood bullsh*t.
send an e card Harvey


I'll have you know that I come from a very dysfunctional family. I can spot personality disorders a mile away.
send an e card Joyce


Megalomaniac.
send an e card Joyce


It seemed that real, salt of the earth people like Toby and me were being co-opted by these huge corporations. We were getting held up and ridiculed as losers in the system. What can I say, it was the '80s, man.
send an e card Real Harvey


Hamburgers are a safer addiction than drugs. Say no to drugs. Say yes to White Castle.
send an e card Toby


Yeah, I know I'm not as interesting as The Little Mermaid and all that magical crap.
send an e card Harvey


Joyce is right. You are obsessive-compulsive.
send an e card Danielle


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