This page contains quotes from the movie American Splendor. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie American Splendor
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I ain't no super hero, lady. I'm just a kid from the neighborhood, all right?
Young Harvey


Avoid the reeking herd! Shun the polluted flock! Live like that stoic bird, the eagle of the rock!" You know what that means, son?
Mr. Boats


Yeah. It's from an Elinor Hoyt Wylie poem. It means stay away from the crowds of common ordinary people and do your own thing.
Harvey


Nope, it means don't compromise yourself for women. Ain't gonna do you no good. Get away from them as soon as you can!
Mr. Boats


Well, I ain't got no woman now. So I'm living like the stoic bird, man.
Harvey


The only way to live, son.
Mr. Boats


I've had enough bad experiences and growth to last me plenty...Right now, I'd be glad to trade some growth for happiness.
Harvey


You turned yourself into a comic hero?
Crumb


I recommend the piŅa coladas. They are excellent and very authentic tasting.
Toby


You know, you should try believing in something bigger than yourself. It might cheer you up.
Toby


So how smart is she?
Mattress Guy 1


I don't know. I guess she's about average.
Mattress Guy 2


Average? Hey, man. Average is dumb!
Mattress Guy 1


Why does everything in my life have to be such a complicated disaster?!
Joyce


Man, she's got good looking handwriting.
Harvey


Hi, Harvey. We finally meet in person.
Joyce


Hiya. Look, before we get started with any of this, you might as well know right off the bat. I had a vasectomy.
Harvey


I guess I have a lot of borderline health disorders that limit me politically when it comes to eating.
Joyce


Harvey, go get me water and a few aspirin.
Joyce


What, you got a headache?
Harvey


No, but I want to avoid one.
Joyce


Harvey, we better skip this whole courtship thing and just get married.
Joyce


Yes, I consider myself a nerd. And this movie has uplifted me.
Toby


Look Toby, the guys in that movie are not 28 year-old file clerks who live with their grandmothers in an ethnic ghetto...They didn't get their computers like you did, by trading in a bunch of box tops and $49.50 at the supermarket...Sure, go to the movies and daydream, but "Revenge of the Nerds" ain't reality. It's just Hollywood bullsh*t.
Harvey


I'll have you know that I come from a very dysfunctional family. I can spot personality disorders a mile away.
Joyce