Quotes from the Movie American Splendor

Hi, Harvey. We finally meet in person.

Joyce

Hiya. Look, before we get started with any of this, you might as well know right off the bat. I had a vasectomy.

Harvey

I guess I have a lot of borderline health disorders that limit me politically when it comes to eating.

Joyce

Harvey, go get me water and a few aspirin.

Joyce

What, you got a headache?

Harvey

No, but I want to avoid one.

Joyce

Harvey, we better skip this whole courtship thing and just get married.

Joyce

Yes, I consider myself a nerd. And this movie has uplifted me.

Toby

Look Toby, the guys in that movie are not 28 year-old file clerks who live with their grandmothers in an ethnic ghetto...They didn't get their computers like you did, by trading in a bunch of box tops and $49.50 at the supermarket...Sure, go to the movies and daydream, but "Revenge of the Nerds" ain't reality. It's just Hollywood bullsh*t.

Harvey

I'll have you know that I come from a very dysfunctional family. I can spot personality disorders a mile away.

Joyce

Megalomaniac.

Joyce

It seemed that real, salt of the earth people like Toby and me were being co-opted by these huge corporations. We were getting held up and ridiculed as losers in the system. What can I say, it was the '80s, man.

Real Harvey

Hamburgers are a safer addiction than drugs. Say no to drugs. Say yes to White Castle.

Toby

Yeah, I know I'm not as interesting as The Little Mermaid and all that magical crap.

Harvey

Joyce is right. You are obsessive-compulsive.

Danielle

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