[shouting] NEWS TEAM! ASSEMBLE!
Uncle Jonathan's corn-cob pipe!
Hot pot of coffee!
Sweet grandmother's spatula!
Saint Damien's beard!
I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and I am what some people call mentally retarded.
[riding a bear] Hey, Ron! I'm riding a furry tractor!
I ate a big red candle.
I love lamp.
Mmm, I just burnt my tongue.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!!
[opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation.
I ate a whole lot of fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said... my stomach's itchy.
I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't really lava.
I know what you're thinking. And the answer is yes, I do have a nickname for my penis. It's called The Octagon. But I've also nicknamed my testes. The left one is James Westfall, and the right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, you might just get to meet the whole gang.
[after Brick talks about bears] Oh that's just great! You hear that, Ed? BEARS! Now you are putting the whole station in jeopardy.
Ron, there are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead, but I'm 72 percent sure that I'm in love with you.
I'm good at three things; fighting, screwing, and reading the news.
I hate you, Ron Burgundy! I hate you! [turning to his co-anchors] Can't say one word? Even the guy who can't think said something!
[to Ron] From deep down in my stomach, with every inch of me, I pure, straight hate you. But goddammit, do I respect you!
I'd like to slap some barbecue sauce on that ol' butt and just uh burr burr burr burr burrrr. OOwwwwooooo!!!!
after getting his other arm ripped off by a bear Oh, COME ON! It's getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous!
: °Com█ estĚn, bitches?! Spanish language news is here! Today's top story: The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood!
Not so fast, you ingrates. Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass. No commercials, no mercy!