This page contains quotes from the movie Annie Hall. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie Annie Hall
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There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.
send an e card Alvy Singer


The other important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx but I think it appears originally in Freud's Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious - and it goes like this. I'm paraphrasing. I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.
send an e card Alvy Singer


I hope to become the balding virile type, you know, as opposed to, say, the distinguished gray, unless I'm neither of those two. Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag screaming about socialism.
send an e card Alvy Singer


Annie and I broke up. And I still can't get my mind around that. You know, I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind, and examining my life and trying to figure out where did the screwup come, you know. A year ago, we were in love, you know.
send an e card Alvy Singer


They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.
send an e card Alvy Singer


You know, I was having lunch with some guys from NBC, so I said, 'Did you eat yet or what?' And Tom Christie said, 'No, JEW?' Not 'Did you?'...JEW eat? JEW? You get it? JEW eat?
send an e card Alvy Singer


I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.
send an e card Alvy Singer


What? Are we driving through plutonium?
send an e card Alvy Singer


What I wouldn't give for a large sock with horse manure in it. ...What do you do when you get stuck in a movie line with a guy like this behind you? It's just maddening.
send an e card Alvy Singer


Maybe we should just call the police. Dial 911. It's the lobster squad. It'll turn up in our bed at night. Talk to him. You speak shellfish...Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out...Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side?...We should have gotten steaks, 'cause they don't have legs. They don't run around.
send an e card Alvy Singer


Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat, college.
send an e card Alvy Singer


I got a license but I have too much hostility.
send an e card Alvy Singer


You're a wonderful tennis player...You're the worst driver I've ever seen in my life...and I love what you're wearing.
send an e card Alvy Singer


What did you do? Grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting? Your Grammy?
send an e card Alvy Singer


My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
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Yeah, why not? Because we're just going to go home later, right, and there's gonna be all that tension, you know, we never kissed before. And I'll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now and get it over with, and then we'll go eat. OK? We'll digest our food better.
send an e card Alvy Singer


I don't use any major hallucinogenics...Five years ago at a party, I tried to take my pants off over my head.
send an e card Alvy Singer


I'm obsessed with uh, with death, I think. Big - big subject with me, yeah. I have a very pessimistic view of life. You should know this about me if we're gonna go out. You know, I - I feel that life is - is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Those are the two categories, you know. The - the horrible would be like, um, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life - you should be thankful that you're miserable because you're very lucky to be miserable.
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You are extremely sexy, unbelievably sexy...You know what you are, you're polymorphously perverse...you're exceptional in bed because you got - you get pleasure in every part of your body when I touch it...Like the tip of your nose, and if I stroke your teeth or your kneecaps...you get excited.
send an e card Alvy Singer


Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?
send an e card Alvy Singer


I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
send an e card Alvy Singer


I'm making excellent progress. Pretty soon, when I lie down on his couch, I won't have to wear the lobster bib.
send an e card Alvy Singer


You know, even as a kid, I always went for the wrong women. I think that's my problem. When my mother took me to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White. I immediately fell for the Wicked Queen.
send an e card Alvy Singer


I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.
send an e card Alvy Singer


Don't you have a can of Raid in the house? I told you a thousand times. You should always keep a lot of insect spray. You never know who's gonna crawl over.
send an e card Alvy Singer


Did you go to a rock concert?...Oh yeah really, really? How'd you like it? Was it, was it heavy? Did it achieve total heavy-o-city?
send an e card Alvy Singer


Why don't you get William F. Buckley to kill the spider?...Are you going with a right-wing rock 'n roll star?
send an e card Alvy Singer


Darling, I've been killing spiders since I was thirty, OK?
send an e card Alvy Singer


Darling, I've been killing spiders since I was thirty, OK?
send an e card Alvy Singer


Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
send an e card Alvy Singer


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