Quotes from the Movie Annie Hall

There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Alvy Singer

The other important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx but I think it appears originally in Freud's Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious - and it goes like this. I'm paraphrasing. I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.

Alvy Singer

I hope to become the balding virile type, you know, as opposed to, say, the distinguished gray, unless I'm neither of those two. Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag screaming about socialism.

Alvy Singer

Annie and I broke up. And I still can't get my mind around that. You know, I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind, and examining my life and trying to figure out where did the screwup come, you know. A year ago, we were in love, you know.

Alvy Singer

They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.

Alvy Singer

You know, I was having lunch with some guys from NBC, so I said, 'Did you eat yet or what?' And Tom Christie said, 'No, JEW?' Not 'Did you?'...JEW eat? JEW? You get it? JEW eat?

Alvy Singer

I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

Alvy Singer

What? Are we driving through plutonium?

Alvy Singer

What I wouldn't give for a large sock with horse manure in it. ...What do you do when you get stuck in a movie line with a guy like this behind you? It's just maddening.

Alvy Singer

Maybe we should just call the police. Dial 911. It's the lobster squad. It'll turn up in our bed at night. Talk to him. You speak shellfish...Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out...Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side?...We should have gotten steaks, 'cause they don't have legs. They don't run around.

Alvy Singer

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat, college.

Alvy Singer

I got a license but I have too much hostility.

Alvy Singer

You're a wonderful tennis player...You're the worst driver I've ever seen in my life...and I love what you're wearing.

Alvy Singer

What did you do? Grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting? Your Grammy?

Alvy Singer

My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

Alvy Singer