This page contains quotes from the movie Army of Darkness. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie Army of Darkness
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My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 1300 A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a normal life, once. Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart! I had a wonderful girlfriend; Linda. Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomicon ex Mortis, the Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumarrian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. It took Linda, and then it came, for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. But that didn't stop it. It came back. Big time. For God's sake! How do you stop it?!
Ash


Give me some sugar, baby.
Ash


Good... bad... I'm the guy with the gun.
Ash


Alright... who wants some?
Ash


Yo! She-bitch! Let's go.
Ash


First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.
Ash


Don't touch that please. Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and... things with molecular structures and the-
Ash


Keep your damn filthy bones outta my mouth.
Ash


Alright, you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my boomstick! - It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right... shop smart. Shop S-Mart... You got that?!!
Ash


Now I swear the next one of you primates even touches me...
Ash


KLAATU... VERATA... N--... necktie... nectar... nickel... it's an n-word, definitely an n-word... It's definitely an n-word.
Ash


Shut the door! Were you raised in a barn?! ... probably was raised in a barn with all the other primitives...
Ash


It's a trick. Get an axe.
Ash


Maybe. Just maybe my boys can protect the book. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.
Ash


Now whoa whoa whoa right there spinach chin!
Ash


That's it, go ahead and run! Run home and cry to mama!
Ash


Say hello to the twenty-first century!
Ash


Oh you little bastards! All right, I'll crush each and every last one of ya! I'll squash you so hard you'll have to look down to look up!
Ash


Sure, I could have stayed in the past. I could have even been king. But in my own way, I am king. Hail to the king, baby.
Ash


Buckle up, bonehead, 'cause you're goin' for a ride.
Ash


I live again!!!
Evil Ash


I got a bone to pick with you.
Evil Ash


You're pissing me off, you ugly son of a bitch!
Evil Ash


Well aren't you the sweetest little thing?
Evil Ash


Welcome back to the land of the livin' ... Now pick up a shovel and get digging!
Deadite Captain