Quotes from the Movie Bedazzled (2000 film)

I am the Devil! Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Prince of Darkness! Well, the Princess of darkness, anyway...

The Devil

Do you think your mommy and daddy just made me up so you'd be a good boy?

The Devil

It's not easy being the Barbra Streisand of Evil you know.

The Devil

Do you have $3.47? I've left my purse in the Underworld.

The Devil

Seven utterly fabulous wishes for one piddling little soul?

The Devil

Nobody gets it totally right, right away. That's why you get seven wishes!

The Devil

There's no point fighting about this. You have to learn to accept the inevitable. We are all doomed anyway.

The Devil

Yes, there's a God. Most men think they're God, this one just happens to be right.

The Devil

Oh I think you'll change your mind. I'm just going to slip into something a little more terrifying. See you in Hell!

The Devil

Look Elliot, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. The whole good and evil thing, you know, Him and me, it really comes down to you. You don't have to look very hard for Heaven and Hell. They're right here on Earth. You make the choice. And I guess you just made yours.

The Devil

I'm telling you, the Devil gypped me for a hamburger!

Elliot

Mayo-nayo-naise. Swimming by the sandy shore, dancing up among the waves, dolphin, dolphin I adore everything you are. You're so much more than a fish to me, my playful friend beneath the sea.

Elliot

You know, there's no "I" in the word team. And this is a team effort. And I just wanna say that I'm real proud to be associated with these fine individuals that I h-have the pleasure of working with.

Elliot

Ah... well, you know, you go out there and you give a 110%, and you wanna play good, and, you know, you hope you play good... I think we played pretty good tonight!

Elliot

Well, um, last night when I was lying in jail, I was talking to this guy, I realized that wishing just doesn't work. All my life I wished to be better looking, to be richer, to be successful, talented, whatever. And I always thought, "Wouldn't it be great if someone could just wave a magic wand and make that happen?" Well I realized that it doesn't work by magic.

Elliot

I've been starting to think that it really isn't important how far we go in life anyway. It's how we get there that really matters.

Elliot

Well, to tell you the truth, you've been the best friend I ever had.

Elliot

It's [your soul] like your appendix. You'll never even miss it.

The Devil

Oh, yeah? If it's so useless, how come you want it so much?

Elliot

Paragraph one states that I, the Devil, a not-for-profit cooperation, with offices in Purgatory, Hell, and Los Angeles, will give you seven wishes to use as you see fit.

The Devil

I wish to be most sensitive man in the world. Oh, wait! I wish I were the most emotionally sensitive man in the world.

Elliot

Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't catch that. I could've had a lot of fun with that one.

The Devil

I know. I've been really naughty, haven't I? Maybe a good spanking's in order?

The Devil

You're telling me, listen to this. "Last night was the most incredible night of my life. I never did get any of the guys' names, but I brought them back home and all five of them banged me like a Salvation Army drum".

The Devil

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