I am the Devil! Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Prince of Darkness! Well, the Princess of darkness, anyway...
The Devil
Do you think your mommy and daddy just made me up so you'd be a good boy?
The Devil
It's not easy being the Barbra Streisand of Evil you know.
The Devil
Do you have $3.47? I've left my purse in the Underworld.
The Devil
Seven utterly fabulous wishes for one piddling little soul?
The Devil
Nobody gets it totally right, right away. That's why you get seven wishes!
The Devil
There's no point fighting about this. You have to learn to accept the inevitable. We are all doomed anyway.
The Devil
Yes, there's a God. Most men think they're God, this one just happens to be right.
The Devil
Oh I think you'll change your mind. I'm just going to slip into something a little more terrifying. See you in Hell!
The Devil
Look Elliot, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. The whole good and evil thing, you know, Him and me, it really comes down to you. You don't have to look very hard for Heaven and Hell. They're right here on Earth. You make the choice. And I guess you just made yours.
The Devil
I'm telling you, the Devil gypped me for a hamburger!
Elliot
Mayo-nayo-naise. Swimming by the sandy shore, dancing up among the waves, dolphin, dolphin I adore everything you are. You're so much more than a fish to me, my playful friend beneath the sea.
Elliot
You know, there's no "I" in the word team. And this is a team effort. And I just wanna say that I'm real proud to be associated with these fine individuals that I h-have the pleasure of working with.
Elliot
Ah... well, you know, you go out there and you give a 110%, and you wanna play good, and, you know, you hope you play good... I think we played pretty good tonight!
Elliot
Well, um, last night when I was lying in jail, I was talking to this guy, I realized that wishing just doesn't work. All my life I wished to be better looking, to be richer, to be successful, talented, whatever. And I always thought, "Wouldn't it be great if someone could just wave a magic wand and make that happen?" Well I realized that it doesn't work by magic.
Elliot