Quotes from the Movie Best in Show

Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400!

Buck Laughlin

Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?

Buck Laughlin

That looks like a fast dog.

Buck Laughlin

Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact.

Buck Laughlin

And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.

Buck Laughlin

I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts.

Buck Laughlin

I'd hate to go on a date with Judge Edie Franklin and have her judge me, that'd be no fun.

Buck Laughlin

I don't think I could ever get used to being poked and prodded. I told my proctologist one time, "Why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?"

Buck Laughlin

Thanks a lot, you stupid hotel manager!

Meg Swan

I know a man who has a van and he will take you back to wherever you came from!

Meg Swan

What are you a wizard? A genius? Why didn't you tell me that before?

Meg Swan

No, that's a bear in a, in a bee costume.

Meg Swan

This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up.

Meg Swan

I didn't ask for your opinion. I asked for a toy that you don't have!

Meg Swan

...but you see, you think they drop like rocks, they don't. He hit a gargoyle on the way down and this guy gets his head caught in the gargoyle's mouth. The head [snaps fingers] pops off like a grape. The body continues to spin down like a whirl-a-gig. When they hit, everything pops out. It's like a piÃ’ata. The intestines, like they're spring-loaded, pop out.

Max Berman

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