This page contains quotes from the movie Best in Show. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie Best in Show
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Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400!
Buck Laughlin


Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?
Buck Laughlin


That looks like a fast dog.
Buck Laughlin


Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact.
Buck Laughlin


And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.
Buck Laughlin


I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts.
Buck Laughlin


I'd hate to go on a date with Judge Edie Franklin and have her judge me, that'd be no fun.
Buck Laughlin


I don't think I could ever get used to being poked and prodded. I told my proctologist one time, "Why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?"
Buck Laughlin


Thanks a lot, you stupid hotel manager!
Meg Swan


I know a man who has a van and he will take you back to wherever you came from!
Meg Swan


What are you a wizard? A genius? Why didn't you tell me that before?
Meg Swan


No, that's a bear in a, in a bee costume.
Meg Swan


This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up.
Meg Swan


I didn't ask for your opinion. I asked for a toy that you don't have!
Meg Swan


...but you see, you think they drop like rocks, they don't. He hit a gargoyle on the way down and this guy gets his head caught in the gargoyle's mouth. The head [snaps fingers] pops off like a grape. The body continues to spin down like a whirl-a-gig. When they hit, everything pops out. It's like a piŅata. The intestines, like they're spring-loaded, pop out.
Max Berman


I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?
Max Berman


When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place. I remember one guy had a bicycle reflector sewn onto one nipple.
Stefan Vanderhoof


If you're ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing.
Stefan Vanderhoof


We're gonna be in Philadelphia for 48 hours, how many tea services can you do?
Stefan Vanderhoof


So finally we bought out the chinese, not the entire nation, this one little chapter behind the wall here.
Stefan Vanderhoof


She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig.
Scott Donlan


Rhapsody has two mommies.
Scott Donlan


Don't water the plants, they're plastic!
Gerry Fleck


Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.
Sherri Ann Cabot


And really, I think what we're talking about is standards, basically; very, very specific, rigid, you could say, but in this world where would we be without them, I think. And notice where we are.
Dr. Theodore W. Millbank III


Don't!... not the lips...
Hamilton Swan


Don't look at the fat ass losers or freaks, look at me!
Hamilton Swan


I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And it used to drive my mother crazy, because she used to say, "Harlan Pepper, if you don't stop naming nuts," and the joke was that we lived in Pine Nut, and I think that's what put it in my mind at that point. So she would hear me in the other room, and she'd just start yelling. I'd say, "Peanut. Hazelnut. Cashew nut. Macadamia nut." That was the one that would send her into going crazy. She'd say, "Would you stop naming nuts!" And Hubert used to be able to make the sound, he couldn't talk, but he'd go "rrrawr rrawr" and that sounded like Macadamia nut. Pine nut, which is a nut, but it's also the name of a town. Pistachio nut. Red pistachio nut. Natural, all natural white pistachio nut.
Harlan Pepper


It worked for my family... you know, until my mom committed suicide in '81.
Christy Cummings


We started this magazine, 'American Bitch'. It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner.
Christy Cummings


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