Quotes from the Movie Best in Show

I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?

Max Berman

When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place. I remember one guy had a bicycle reflector sewn onto one nipple.

Stefan Vanderhoof

If you're ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing.

Stefan Vanderhoof

We're gonna be in Philadelphia for 48 hours, how many tea services can you do?

Stefan Vanderhoof

So finally we bought out the chinese, not the entire nation, this one little chapter behind the wall here.

Stefan Vanderhoof

She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig.

Scott Donlan

Rhapsody has two mommies.

Scott Donlan

Don't water the plants, they're plastic!

Gerry Fleck

Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.

Sherri Ann Cabot

And really, I think what we're talking about is standards, basically; very, very specific, rigid, you could say, but in this world where would we be without them, I think. And notice where we are.

Dr. Theodore W. Millbank III

Don't!... not the lips...

Hamilton Swan

Don't look at the fat ass losers or freaks, look at me!

Hamilton Swan

I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And it used to drive my mother crazy, because she used to say, "Harlan Pepper, if you don't stop naming nuts," and the joke was that we lived in Pine Nut, and I think that's what put it in my mind at that point. So she would hear me in the other room, and she'd just start yelling. I'd say, "Peanut. Hazelnut. Cashew nut. Macadamia nut." That was the one that would send her into going crazy. She'd say, "Would you stop naming nuts!" And Hubert used to be able to make the sound, he couldn't talk, but he'd go "rrrawr rrawr" and that sounded like Macadamia nut. Pine nut, which is a nut, but it's also the name of a town. Pistachio nut. Red pistachio nut. Natural, all natural white pistachio nut.

Harlan Pepper

It worked for my family... you know, until my mom committed suicide in '81.

Christy Cummings

We started this magazine, 'American Bitch'. It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner.

Christy Cummings

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