In the movies, Dracula wears a cape, and some old English guy manages to save the day at the last moment with crosses and holy water. But everyone knows the movies are full of shit. The truth is, it began with Blade, and it ended with Blade. The rest of us were just along for the ride.
I picked Danica up in a bar, spent the next five years playing hide-and-go-suck as her little vampire cabana boy. Eventually Abigail found me, Sommerfield managed to treat me with a cure, and now I kill them. And that's basically turning a frown upside down.
You know, one of these days, you might want to consider sitting down with someone. You know, have a little share time? Get in touch with your inner child? Also, you just might want to consider blinking once in a while. I'm sorry, I, uh... I ate a lot of sugar today.
Hey Blade, I got a question for you... Let's say we succeed in wiping out all the vampires. What then? Huh? Ever ask yourself that? I mean somehow I don't picture you teaching Karate at the local Y.
...He hates me, doesn't he?
You COCK JUGGLING THUNDER CUNT!!!