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Uh, who cares if the dog sees a boom mic?
Forgive me for answering a question with a question, but who are you?
Mindy Parker, from the Network.
Of course. Let me ask you, Mindy from the Network, what do you see here? (pointing to the screen with picture of Bolt)
Uh, the dog?
(whispers) The dog she says.... oh Mindy. Poor, poor Mindy.
Am I, missing something?
You're missing everything, Mindy. You see a dog. I see an animal, who believes with every fiber of his being, every fiber, that the girl he loves is in mortal danger. I see a depth of emotion on the face of that canine the likes of which have never been captured on screen before. Never, Mindy from the Network! We jump through hoops to make sure Bolt believes everything is real. It's why we don't miss marks. I'ts why we don't re-shoot. And it's why we most certainly do not let the dog see boom mics! (sighs) Because, Mindy from the Network, (reaches hand up to a screen showing a close-up of Bolt's determined expression) if the dog believes it, the audience, belives it!
Wow. Okay, you want reality, here you go, chief. The show's too predictable. The girl's in danger, the dog saves her from the creepy English guy, we get it. There's always a happy ending. And our focus groups tell us that 18-35 year olds are unhappy. They're not happy, with happy. So maybe you should, I don't know, spend a little less time worrying about the dog's method acting and more time figuring, how to stop 20 year olds in Topeka from changing the channel, becuase if you lose so much as half a rating point, so help me I will fire everyone in this room, starting with you. How's that for real? (slams door)
So, the dog thinks this is all real?
Oh, yeah, you?re new. Guy, never leaves the set. It?s unbelievable. Whenever I get the chance, this is the perfect way to unwind. (hops onto the bumper of the trailer, then climbs onto its roof; the long-haired cat does the same)
I like to start with an evil laugh. (he laughs)
(gets up and looks up at the cats) Hello, hairballs.
You may have won today, Bolt, but in the end, we will get your little Penny.
Not likely, cat, for you've chosen to follow the path of evil. Ultimately I'll destroy you, along with your fiendish puppet-master!
(in awe) Wow!
I know, right? Okay, watch this.
(in a louder evil voice) She?s a goner, dog. The green-eyed man has a plan, and soon, he will execute it!
(laughs) Yeah, and then, he will execute... her! (chuckles)
(turns to the long-haired cat and compliments) Nice.
I would super-bark you both back into the hole you crawled out of, but I need you alive, because I?ve got a little message for you to take back to your green-eyed man. You tell him, his old friend Bolt said, that... (gets interrupted)
I would super-bark you both back into the hole you crawled out of, but I need you alive, because I?ve got a little message for you to take back to your green-eyed man. You tell him, his old friend Bolt said, that... (gets interrupted)
Is it long?
(bewildered) I-Is what long?
The message? Is it, is it long message? Because I have a horrible memory.
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