Quotes from the Movie Caddyshack

I have to laugh because I've often asked myself my foe, my enemy, is an animal. In order to conquer him I have to think like an animal and whenever possible to look like one. I've got to get inside this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who is the gopher's ally? His friend? The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit. I'm going to use you guys to do my dirty work for me.

Carl Spackler

If he bothers you, I'll take care of him. What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game.

Carl Spackler

Hello? Anybody home? Hello, Mr. Gopher! It's me, Mr. Squirrel. Just a harmless squirrel. Not a plastic explosive or anything. Nothing to be worried about. I'm just here to make your last hours on earth as peaceful as possible. Don't mind this. This is doctor's orders. You don't mind if I just pop in there for a few laughs? That's right. Or in the words of Jean-Paul Sartre: "Au revoir, gopher." This is going to be sweet.

Carl Spackler

Danny, this isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it?

Ty Webb

In one physical model of the universe, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, in the opposite direction.

Ty Webb

Thank you very little.

Ty Webb

I was born to love you.

Ty Webb

I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you, But you were born to rub me first.

Ty Webb

I feel like a hundred dollars.

Ty Webb

Don't worry about this one. If you miss it, we lose.

Ty Webb

Double turds!

Spaulding Smails

You gonna eat your fat?

Spaulding Smails

Doodie!

Spaulding Smails

Ahoy polloi.

Spaulding Smails

We're about to tee off now so call the hospital and move my appointment with Mrs. Bellows back 90 minutes...Just snake a tube down her nose and I'll be there...in four or five hours.

Dr. Beeper

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