This page contains quotes from the movie Caddyshack. You can find more Alphabetized listing of films for which quotations are available in the index page. Thanks to the many celebrated and unheralded screenwriters who have provided these memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.


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Quotes from the movie Caddyshack
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Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures? It's a parking lot!
Al Czervik


This is my friend Mr. Wang . . . no offense!
Al Czervik


This place is restricted Wang, so don't tell them you're Jewish!
Al Czervik


Give me half a dozen of the Vulcan D-tens and set my friend up with the whole schmear. You know, clubs, bags, shoes, gloves, shirt, pants. Hey, orange balls! I'll have a box of those and give me a box of those naked-lady tees, gimme two of those, gimme six of those... Oh, this is the worst lookin' hat I ever saw... I bet you buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup, eh? [Sees Judge Smails wearing the hat]Oh, looks good on you, though.
Al Czervik


Country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate! Dead people? They don't need buried nowadays. Ecology, right? Ask Wang. He'll tell you. We just bought property behind the Great Wall. On the good side!
Al Czervik


Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? I tell you, this steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.
Al Czervik


Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Baby, you're all right. You must've been something before electricity.
Al Czervik


And this is your grandson, huh? Oh, wonderful boy! Yeah, he's a good boy. Now I know why tigers eat their young.
Al Czervik


The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Al Czervik


I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!
Al Czervik


He tried to choke me! You saw it. He called me a baboon, thinks I'm his wife.
Al Czervik


That kangaroo stole my ball!
Al Czervik


Ooh, my arm! It's broken!
Al Czervik


Moose...Rocco..Help the judge find his checkbook!
Al Czervik


Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!
Al Czervik


What, did someone just step on a duck?
Al Czervik


Oh, Porterhouse! Look at the wax build-up on those shoes! This is fine leather! I want that wax stripped off! I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois. And I want them now! Chop chop!
Judge Smails


Don't count that one; winter rules.
Judge Smails


I have a little poem I'd like to read in honor of this occasion, if I may. Spaulding, get your foot off the boat! :"It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat"... Ah ha ha ha. OK Pookie, do the honors.
Judge Smails


I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it - felt I owed it to them.
Judge Smails


Weeeeell, we're waiting!
Judge Smails


Spaulding, this one calls for the old Billy Bor?. Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy. This is a biggie! Don't let me down, Billy! Forty thousand dollars...Billy!
Judge Smails


Oh Mrs. Crane, you wore green so you could hide from me. You're a little monkey woman. You're lean and you're mean and you're not too far between, either, I bet, are ya, huh? How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my head?
Carl Spackler


"Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts." How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? Scum, slime, menace to the golfing industry! You're a disgrace. You're varmints. You're one of the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the rat. Well, I have been pushed. It's about time somebody teaches these varmints a little lesson about morality and about what it's like to be a decent, upstanding member of a society! Come to Carl, varmint. I guess we're playing for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over. I guess it's just a matter of pumping about 5,000 gallons of water down there to teach you a lesson. Is that it? I think it is!
Carl Spackler


License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet-Cong...Varmint-Cong. So you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote.
Carl Spackler


I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.
Carl Spackler


Wait up, girls. I've got a salami I've got to hide.
Carl Spackler


I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner and I'll fill your bagpipes with Wheatena!
Carl Spackler


Man in a boat overboard. You beast! You savage. Come on, bark like a dog for me. Bark like a dog! I will teach you the meaning of the word "respect"!
Carl Spackler


What an incredible Cinderella story! This unknown, comes out of nowhere, to lead the pack...at Augusta. He's at his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 Iron I think. Oh, he got all of that. The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved crowd is going wild... for this young Cinderella who's come out of nowhere. He's got about 350 yards left, he's going to hit about a 5 iron it looks like, don't you think? He's got a beautiful backswing... That's- Oh, he got all of that one! He's gotta be pleased with that! The crowd is just on its feet here. He's a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He's got about 195 yards left, and he's got a, looks like he's got about an 8 iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent... Cinderella story, out of nowhere, former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters Championship. It looks like a mirac- It's in the hole! It's in the hole!
Carl Spackler


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