Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures? It's a parking lot!
This is my friend Mr. Wang . . . no offense!
This place is restricted Wang, so don't tell them you're Jewish!
Give me half a dozen of the Vulcan D-tens and set my friend up with the whole schmear. You know, clubs, bags, shoes, gloves, shirt, pants. Hey, orange balls! I'll have a box of those and give me a box of those naked-lady tees, gimme two of those, gimme six of those... Oh, this is the worst lookin' hat I ever saw... I bet you buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup, eh? [Sees Judge Smails wearing the hat]Oh, looks good on you, though.
Country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate! Dead people? They don't need buried nowadays. Ecology, right? Ask Wang. He'll tell you. We just bought property behind the Great Wall. On the good side!
Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? I tell you, this steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.
Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Baby, you're all right. You must've been something before electricity.
And this is your grandson, huh? Oh, wonderful boy! Yeah, he's a good boy. Now I know why tigers eat their young.
The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!
He tried to choke me! You saw it. He called me a baboon, thinks I'm his wife.
That kangaroo stole my ball!
Ooh, my arm! It's broken!
Moose...Rocco..Help the judge find his checkbook!
Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!
What, did someone just step on a duck?
Oh, Porterhouse! Look at the wax build-up on those shoes! This is fine leather! I want that wax stripped off! I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois. And I want them now! Chop chop!
Don't count that one; winter rules.
I have a little poem I'd like to read in honor of this occasion, if I may. Spaulding, get your foot off the boat! :"It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat"... Ah ha ha ha. OK Pookie, do the honors.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it - felt I owed it to them.
Weeeeell, we're waiting!
Spaulding, this one calls for the old Billy Bor?. Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy. This is a biggie! Don't let me down, Billy! Forty thousand dollars...Billy!
Oh Mrs. Crane, you wore green so you could hide from me. You're a little monkey woman. You're lean and you're mean and you're not too far between, either, I bet, are ya, huh? How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my head?
"Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts." How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? Scum, slime, menace to the golfing industry! You're a disgrace. You're varmints. You're one of the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the rat. Well, I have been pushed. It's about time somebody teaches these varmints a little lesson about morality and about what it's like to be a decent, upstanding member of a society! Come to Carl, varmint. I guess we're playing for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over. I guess it's just a matter of pumping about 5,000 gallons of water down there to teach you a lesson. Is that it? I think it is!
License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet-Cong...Varmint-Cong. So you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote.