Quotes from the Movie Caddyshack

Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures? It's a parking lot!

Al Czervik

This is my friend Mr. Wang . . . no offense!

Al Czervik

This place is restricted Wang, so don't tell them you're Jewish!

Al Czervik

Give me half a dozen of the Vulcan D-tens and set my friend up with the whole schmear. You know, clubs, bags, shoes, gloves, shirt, pants. Hey, orange balls! I'll have a box of those and give me a box of those naked-lady tees, gimme two of those, gimme six of those... Oh, this is the worst lookin' hat I ever saw... I bet you buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup, eh? [Sees Judge Smails wearing the hat]Oh, looks good on you, though.

Al Czervik

Country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate! Dead people? They don't need buried nowadays. Ecology, right? Ask Wang. He'll tell you. We just bought property behind the Great Wall. On the good side!

Al Czervik

Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? I tell you, this steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.

Al Czervik

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Baby, you're all right. You must've been something before electricity.

Al Czervik

And this is your grandson, huh? Oh, wonderful boy! Yeah, he's a good boy. Now I know why tigers eat their young.

Al Czervik

The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Al Czervik

I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!

Al Czervik

He tried to choke me! You saw it. He called me a baboon, thinks I'm his wife.

Al Czervik

That kangaroo stole my ball!

Al Czervik

Ooh, my arm! It's broken!

Al Czervik

Moose...Rocco..Help the judge find his checkbook!

Al Czervik

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

Al Czervik

What, did someone just step on a duck?

Al Czervik

Oh, Porterhouse! Look at the wax build-up on those shoes! This is fine leather! I want that wax stripped off! I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois. And I want them now! Chop chop!

Judge Smails

Don't count that one; winter rules.

Judge Smails

I have a little poem I'd like to read in honor of this occasion, if I may. Spaulding, get your foot off the boat! :"It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat"... Ah ha ha ha. OK Pookie, do the honors.

Judge Smails

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it - felt I owed it to them.

Judge Smails

Weeeeell, we're waiting!

Judge Smails

Spaulding, this one calls for the old Billy Bor?. Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy. This is a biggie! Don't let me down, Billy! Forty thousand dollars...Billy!

Judge Smails

Oh Mrs. Crane, you wore green so you could hide from me. You're a little monkey woman. You're lean and you're mean and you're not too far between, either, I bet, are ya, huh? How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my head?

Carl Spackler

"Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts." How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? Scum, slime, menace to the golfing industry! You're a disgrace. You're varmints. You're one of the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the rat. Well, I have been pushed. It's about time somebody teaches these varmints a little lesson about morality and about what it's like to be a decent, upstanding member of a society! Come to Carl, varmint. I guess we're playing for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over. I guess it's just a matter of pumping about 5,000 gallons of water down there to teach you a lesson. Is that it? I think it is!

Carl Spackler

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