Quotes from the Movie Cheaper by the Dozen (2003 film)

You soaked his underwear in meat. That is so wrong. Funny, but wrong.

Tom Baker

Okay, enough is enough! You're slacking on your chores, you're fighting at school, things are out of control! As of right now, you are all grounded. What's grounded? I'll tell you what grounded is, except for attending games, you go to school, you come home from school, you do your chores, you do your homework, you go to bed, and that's it! Oh, Yes Sarah, I know, it sucks but that's the way it is. That's exactly what it means. You are going to miss it! Now go to bed.

Tom Baker

Get my kids and meet me at my house. Ready? Break.

Tom Baker

How many? Well, when you get over here we can just count 'em up! (Next call) How many kids do I have? Twelve. But one doesn't live with me, and one you never see 'cause he's so mad! (Next call) Just...just...just twelve. (Next call) Hello! I'll just hang up on myself.

Tom Baker

If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much.

Tom Baker

You have a dark gift, Sarah Baker.

Tom Baker

(On the phone) Hello my name is Tom Baker and I would like to hire a house-keeper...I have twelve children. (Pause) Actually I am serious. (Later calling another housekeeper) Just twelve...(Different call) Twelve...(Calling another babysitter) There is only two...uh...plus ten. (Another call) Well there's twelve but one does not live with me and another you won't see often because he is so mad!! (Another call) How many kids? Well how about when you get here let's count them up? (Later) UHH...A dozen?! (He scratches off about 25 babysitting businesses and hangs his phone up about 10 times; later on a call) Just...just twelve. (Another call) Hello? I'll just hang up on myself...(He angrily hangs up his phone and bows his head in frustration)

Tom

All right, enough is enough! You're slacking on your chores, you're fighting at school, things are out of control!! As of this moment, you are all grounded!

Tom

What's grounded?! I'll tell you what grounded is... Except for attending games, you go to school, you come home from school, you do your homework, you do your chores, you go to bed and that's it!!

Tom

Oh yes, Sarah, I know, that sucks, but that's the way it is!!!

Tom

**You are going to miss it!!** (The kids groan in sadness) Now, go to bed!!

Tom

I guess you could say that when Tom and I left Midland we had a mess of theories about how to raise children. We still have a mess of children, but no theories. Sure, 12 is still our number. It's the number of months my book was on the bestseller list. It's the number of job offers Tom turned down before we found one close to home. And each day it's the number of times I'm thankful there's such a thing as family.

Kate Baker

Sarah, your suspension from lacrosse for excessive force has been lifted, so you're going today.

Kate

Henry, you have band practice, all right? I cleaned your clarinet. Please don't play with your food in your mouth again. Kim and Jessica, your teacher called and has made a request that you do not correct her in front of the class. Mike, you have show-and-tell today. And please, honey, remember that body parts do not count. Kyle and Nigel, you have a dentist appointment at 3:00, so you're going to work with Dad.

Kate

Autographs and everything? I mean, just the one commercial, and you have paparazzi?

Kate

Dude three words; Paper route. (computer recieves a message. Says Nora's message) "Hi, can't make dinner. Hank and I are moving into our new apartment. Love Nora"

Kate

It's getting so as I can hardly go out in public any more. I mean, really, between the autograph hounds and the paparazzi...

Hank

Yeah. I've never actually seen them, but, you know, they hide in the bush and they get their shot.

Hank

Sure, last time, it was my pants, but what if next time it's my face? This is how I get the jobs!

Hank

Uh, my nanny'd have to check with my dad... who'd have to check with my mom who would say it was an inappropriate use of free time.

Dylan

Hey, Dylan. Wanna play catch with the football I got you?

Jack

Hmm. Sounds like a yes to me. Go get it, Mike.

Jack

Does this mean we can't go to Dylan's birthday party?

Jack

Quote of the Day

Social Media
Our Partners
Quote of the Day App
Android app on Google Play